For many people with adult ADHD, it can constantly feel like you’ve fallen behind, have too much work to catch up on, and have no time to do anything else. You can feel like you’re constantly trying to dig yourself out of the hole that you feel like you’ve put yourself in. You probably blame yourself for what you see as bad decisions. So, you may hyper-focus on feeling badly, and may hyper-focus on how you are so behind in what you want to do. That’s what adult ADHD can do.
Why does this happen? Generally, it’s due to adult ADHD affecting your executive functioning. It’s harder to pivot from one activity to another. It’s harder to prioritize what to think about and what to do. So, your adult ADHD is leading you to spend too much time focusing on feeling bad and focusing on being behind.
What can you do about this?
First, recognize the problem so you can catch it when it’s happening. This can be hard to do, but it’s definitely doable.
Second, you can briefly tell yourself more realistic statements that can help you pivot to other activities. “I’ve spent enough time beating myself up over this. It’s time to get back on track.” Or…”Now isn’t the time to blame myself or overthink how I got behind. I’ll do that at the end of the day.” Or “Adult ADHD is making me feel stuck here, but I’m not. I’m going to shift gears.”
Third, the hardest part: give yourself permission to take a break, do something that feels good to do (not doomscrolling), or something that will help you feel recharged/refreshed. This is often the hardest part because all of that hyper-focus on being behind and self blame can convince you that you shouldn’t step away. Yet, our brains require positive experiences and recreation. If you don’t set aside time for non-work experiences, you will continue to work less effectively.
Try to squeeze in a break of at least 30 minutes. Why 30 minutes? Because 15 minutes is seldom long enough to pivot away from your work and recharge (you’re not an Apple Watch). Thirty minutes gives you enough time to watch a short show, to go for a walk, to call a friend, to shop for something, to plan a trip, etc. If you can take a longer break, even better.
When you start making this type of change, try to track how it’s helping you. Do you feel a little better after the break? Or at the end of the day? Try to identify how many breaks you need. You might need to do this 2-3 times a day. That’s up to you to find out.
Overall, it’s hard to give yourself permission to do pleasant activities when you’re perseverating on your inefficiencies. Adult ADHD makes this harder. Taking a little more time to be deliberate about being unstuck can help you. Try it out and see.
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